“There is a story behind every person, don't judge before knowing"
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Obsession kills
Saturday, May 30, 2015 || 7:30 AM
Monday, with baby.
Yong tau foo with wasabi mayo fries
Tuesday. Chicken briyani
Wednesday with baby.
Forget the name of the restaurant xD
Some wine chicken and noodles, small platter of yong tau foo.
After work, caught 'Spy' movie with baby and it is awesome.
Thursday, nothing much had happened.
Friday with baby.
Smoothie King with low calories food 😍
Walked around with baby, watching people dance at the arcade, guessing all the possibilities that a stranger is thinking by looking at their expressions, pets gazing :).
Then, baby sent me home and ended up chatting for an hour plus at the corridor of my house.
Of course that's not just it.
It's exactly 3.16am now. Everytime if I'm awake at such timing, my emotions get heightened and I'll get emotional about bad things that happened.
Anyway, it's not that bad afterall, it's just that I'm slowly getting used to it and it's a relief that all these will come to an end.
For those who concerned, it's obvious that I've been facing some friends issue and I wouldn't deny it.
I know that that someone might not get to see this. But I will still like to share out my thoughts and jot down a stepping stone and decisions I've made in this phase of my life. Actually, there's a few I would like to talk about.
To that someone, after I've thought through about it, I choose to believe that you are hurting and harming people unintentionally by your obsession. & I choose to break this friendship it's because it will get worse if I did not stop it. You may tell us and let us feel that you are very straightforward, but the truth is, you are not because you feel that by telling what exactly you feel about will destroy your obsession.
Therefore, you went around telling what you dislike about person A to person B, person B to person C and person C to person A. You are unhappy with everyone but you are unwillingly to voice out directly to the person because of your obsession, and choose to fake with them.
By doing this, you have successfully became a two-headed snake and caused a lot of unwanted problems, not just now, but in future too because this has already harmed people who treats you genuinely.
I'm not sure whether you are too bored or your heart is too empty, or whatever you have faced in the past made you become so insecure that whoever that quarrels with you becomes a person that is not that simple and will try to harm you because you deemed as they hate you, and you doubt every single people in your life.
You, are also living in denial and it's a very deep denial to that extent that I feel that you are hopeless as your mind is all about yourself and your obsession.
To me, you are a very unhealthy friend to be with because all you think of is negativity in people and you deemed that as reality.
To people who feel shocked for what happened as this someone seemed like a close friend of mine, I feel unhappy when I'm her friend. Why?
She is that kind who wants people to tell her the truth but she can't accept it and she will dig out whether you are lying or hiding anything from her and feel accomplished by it. So either way, it's still a dead end. I feel stressed being her friend because sometimes I don't even know whether to lie or tell the truth.
She dislikes you but will still make you feel as though you are important to her because she only thinks for her own obsession, her pride. She's all about herself, self centred. No matter how genuine you treat her, you will still be labeled as someone with ulterior motive, you will harm her.
By posting this, in her mind, I have already became that person that is not simple and had been planning to harm her since long ago and have achieved what I wanted. I think what I'm doing now is correct because she's harming everyone else already like how she disappoints me from her actions towards me when I genuinely treated her as a close friend, cared for her, tried to understand her etc.
I'm sick and tired of this nonsense, trying to be cautious of what I did or said to you just because I cared about how you feel about me. This is the end. When things start to become unhappy, I will make myself happy again, by leaving. & it's really a relief to me now. 解脱。
Maybe I should just mind my own business and care less, but this is just in me.
To the second person, sometimes you really have to choose sides and you have already chosen your side. I thought I know you well, I thought we were alike. But, time tells me that you are slowly becoming the person I have mentioned above and you are also living in self denial as you don't even know you have already changed. So that is the real you? Only you yourself will know. Why would I want to drift apart from you, stopped sharing, stopped caring, because all you will do now is reporting everything to her and agreeing with her.
A lot of us, humans, prefer people who fakes with you rather than be truthful to you. But the ones who is truthful to you is the hardest to get.
When people do not get what they want from someone they really like, e.g. the feeling of full trust and real friendship (can be anything), they will try hard to get it from them and spend most of the time with that person.
When you know that you have gotten those from someone, yes, you still care about them. But compared to those who has not let you feel such ways, you no longer spend as much time with people who are able to make you feel they gave you 100%, because you know you've got it. I choose to believe this is what the second person feels.
To me, we should really cherish those who are able to let us feel loved in such ways and spend more time with them rather than those who can't, because such person is hard to come by and we must not take them for granted.
Anyway, I feel kinda biased now because I'm like boasting that I am hard to get, but I treat people how I want them to treat me. So, I would want to meet such people who can make me feel that they love me and be truthful to me as well. Call me gullible or naive, immature, but that's what Sebastian Tay loves about me, & I'm happy being like that, so that is enough heheheheh! (feeling shy now)
But what I really dislike is that some people like to think that I'm implying something else when I'm only just being truthful to them.
I will state an actual scenario, one of this friend asked me about the cost of opening bbq and buffet. So I advise him, and mentioned the pros and cons. He said he would rather go for bbq because it's cheaper. Then, I told him even if it's expensive, I'll rather choose buffet, because for me, I don't like my guests to be unhappy (Again, recap, I will easily get affected on my 21st bday party and worried if my friends will feel happy or not because your happiness will make me feel happy), then I asked him, 'When you didn't get to eat anything during my chalet, were you happy?' People who know me well will reply my question straight with an answer because this is just a straightforward question but he thinks that I'm implying something and starts to give a sarcastic tone 'Why?' and totally avoids answering my question when I asked the second and third time. Tell me what does this means? Then I merely replied, 'Because to be honest, I felt guilty of not being able to let you eat during my bbq, so I really suggest you to have a buffet instead to make your guests have a better experience.' Maybe it's because of the way I'm pushing buffet makes him feel uncomfortable? It's not like I can't eat a good meal without buffet ok, I'm just thinking for your guests because it's obvious that you felt unhappy on that day. Anyway, I also can't eat during the chalet because I'm dieting now so it doesn't make any difference to me.
Okay, I'm really way off topic. What I want to say is that, as what I really am, I'm actually a very simple person, when you treat me good, I will treat you genuinely, and I like to share everything with people regarding about myself. People may always misunderstand me for something and I might hurt you unintentionally. But trust me, I really didn't harbour any bad intentions for saying or doing things. My age is not a reflection of how evil I need to be, I know where my flaws are, like constantly boasting around, sometimes being too confident that people often think that I'm too highly of myself etc etc. But all these are without ill intentions because I just merely feel happy with my achievements and want to share my happiness and knowledge, but to some people, I'm comparing......
Back to the topic, lastly, I'm glad that I met this innocent girl. Just love her everything since the first day I know her. Really hope our friendship can last.
After the first person had gone. Indeed I felt much happier, and I hope the second person will finally really understands.
I guess whoever who read this post, you will really get to know the current me, I might change in future? Who knows? & if you don't like me by reading this, just let me know and have a clean break. I really cannot stand acting in front of close friends. You have already spend most of your time acting in front of clients, acquaintances etc, and now even close friends too? No... I would rather not. If I really need to act, I'll straightaway kick you out of my 'close friends' group... Lol.. I feel so childish typing like that as I really cannot think of what words to use already for typing soon long, took around 4 hours to write this post. But never mind, understand jiu hao.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeee.
