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My current troubles
Saturday, February 20, 2016 || 9:28 PM
Such a long time since I posted something as my life doesn't excite much.
& when I always post, it's always about something troubling me or something sad.
This is something very personal and I do not wish to share, but I can't control anymore
I'm so sorry because I have nowhere to share, I finally want to burst out.
Firstly, I really really hate people to say about Sebastian.
I don't like my friends to look down on him just because his education level is lower than all of us.
Why do you guys only see his bad part? I'm also bad too. Nobody is perfect in any way.
But what's saddening is that my parents also do not understand me and question me a lot of times, asking us why do we want to get married so early e.t.c. pressuring me with money situation.
The reason we want to get married early is that we have already dated for 7 years and we really wish to start a family. So we got ROM, all we wanted is to live together so we do not have to stay apart each other every single day.
However, even we got legally married, we still could not stay together normally.
My dad did not like him coming often and often show faces to him, sometimes he even need to sneak into my house just to be together. Is this what a married couple life is like?
He forbids me to stay at his house because he believes that a girl should not be so 'sui bian'. But is this what I want? No it's not.
They want a tradition wedding ceremony in order to us to live together.
So we want to get married soon, so we can live together. This is our goal.
We have been working hard with tight money. Don't start asking why do we still go on holidays and spend on food and gifts for each other. This is what keeps us going, some entertainment whatnot.
I really hope we have it easily, so I've tried a lot of times to convince them regarding the wedding ceremony.
I just hope for a simple one, maybe a buffet style. But it's too shabby for them.
Then they came blaming me, why not I marry a richer man? This is what I chose. They said guys should be paying for everything. But now I choose to split because to me, this is for the both of us, not for just me, or just him.
It hurts to hear this, seriously. This is so insulting, to the both of us.
They should know their child's situation and not demand so much, but they kept demanding.
What's the era now? Wedding is so much more expensive yet they still want a big angpao. Is this even understanding?
It saddens me, really. It saddens me when my parents are always the one trying to bring us apart.
I must say I'm glad that they're slowly accepting him despite their hatred for him 7 years ago.
But we still can't live together normally when we are legally married. That is why we want it fast to achieve our goal. Nobody will ever understand. It's not that we like to find trouble for ourselves and stress ourselves with money. Who likes trouble?
All they care is about how to face their relatives, but act in front of their siblings that they are alright with everything. Why? Why do you want to compare when you yourself is also not a millionaire?
After writing this, I felt so much better. It's not that I like to say bad things about my family. It's because I really don't understand why they think like that, kept thinking that man should pay for everything, and they cannot suffer losses as they supported me for my whole life, and I just got married so soon. They did not even gotten anything from me.
It's not like I'm going to abandon you and not give you anything after I got married.
Their definition of filial is too different from mine I can't take it. All they think was money money money as they spent so much money on me. But if I had kids, what I really want will be their companion and care, even if you have no money, as long as they are hardworking and I see it, it will be fine. So I've tried to express that way since I'm not rich. But they still prefer money.
What I see from them is they care about themselves more than understanding others, their child. Sometimes, I don't even know what am I living for. Just to pay back my parents money? This is exactly what they make me feel.
Let's not think so badly, they want a better wedding ceremony is maybe because they want me to have face, and 风风光光地嫁出去, but they never think, is this what I really want?
Sigh, always think about this, I feel 心酸.
But what to do, just gotta work extra tougher than everybody else just to achieve our goal.
