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Reliving the dead
Thursday, November 2, 2017 || 3:26 AM
1 and a half year did not post anything because i totally forgot about this blog until today when my husband told me that his colleagues stalked us through my blog, hahahahaha. And my previous post is like.... not very nice... The millenials are so scary nowadays. I thought its just me reading only already.
Well, some updates... life has been pretty normal and i’m jobless now. Gotta prepare for exams already, this semester is so xiong as i took the max number of modules but the next few semesters will be more relaxed, hopefully...
& fingers crossed that i would be able to land up with a job during Dec, if not i think i would pray to God every day already... No income and so much commitments. Probably gonna announce bankruptcy. But i won’t regret my decisions for quitting so ‘rashly’.
I’m also preparing for my wedding stuff bits by bits now to prevent any rush in the future.
Feeling quite emotional nowadays, i think my female hormones is like at its very peak now. I’d think a lot, look a lot back to the pasts. Anyway it’s nothing to do with my husband, not every emotional things is linked to my husband. We are pretty blessed now. I guess humans, or just females are like this, we will always be constantly finding things to think about for no reason. Guys, please accept it.
Just thinking of how my past friendships ended when new friendships are forged, i’m actually quite afraid to make new friends already as i’m really afraid of losing anyone or anything that i’m emotionally attached to. It really hurts, and losing a good friend does hurts.
Just today, i’ve visited my husband’s and took a good look at his dog Cookie. My heart always sinks whenever i go and see this little boy which is apparently older than me now, if we calculate his age by dog years. He’s getting older at a very fast pace. I always had to bear my tears when i touch him, when i look at him, his body has so many bumps now, is he pain? His eyes had some grey area now, can he still see clearly? When he looked at us, his tail would go inwards instead of up, is he afraid that he’s going to die? Is he scared to lose us? I can’t see him suffer. I can’t. Although i was not always with him, i do have a few memories with him and he still remembers me. How can he not? We knew each other for a good 9 years. My husband and I used to take him to walks during paktor and i always remember his eyes on me when i board the bus home. He wanted to go with me, he was puzzled why i went off. We had happy memories. I really don’t know how i will react when he’s gone. I’ll try hard not to think of it until the day has arrive because I did not want to let my negative emotions consume me. Wanted to post a picture of how he looks like now but since i’m using my phone web, it does not let me upload the photo from my phone.
Anyway, just thought about a lot of different aspects of things and kept making myself miserable, for fucks sake i don’t know why. Enough of these and would also like to share some plans i’m going to do, also in case i forgor because i’m so forgetful at this age.
I’m planning to make a new blog and write about my dreams, as in literally, the dreams you make when you are sleeping. I think it would be fun to look back on all the dreams. Anyway, they are just dreams right. I’m not afraid to share even sexual dreams or like weird dreams about my friends. Haha. It’s more likely confirmed and i might start next year... Really like to explore this part myself and see whether do dreams really come true. Because usually we would forget dreams after a few days. I’m just weird like that, accept it.
I’m also planning to do dedications messages to my Facebook friends randomly on my birthday. Not to make them remember my birthday of course, but suddenly just felt like i wanna appreciate people, even strangers that is close to my life. If you read this, you would probably know you might get one of these message very very personal if you are on my Facebook. Otherwise, i’m excited to shock you. It can turn out negatively i suppose because who the hell now would be still so naive as me right. Like come on, 24 years old already, there must be a reason why you do this. But never mind, as long as my heart is conscience, I will be sharing my loveeeeeeee.
Ok, and lastly, i’ll definitely get my first tattoo next year after wedding. Very very very confirm already. And get my conch piercing if everything goes smoothly as in scheduling whatever is not facing any problems. I’m very very very excited. If you are my relative reading this, please don’t stop me and say long story pleasepleaseplease. I hate naggings, and i trust my decisions. & yes, having tattoos might change your impression of me but this is me. I was just afraid to express myself then because i had to meet the impression you had for me.
Quite a long post to keep my readers reading a while... and not sure when i will make my next post again. Hopefully not long. Haha. I actually also wished to update often as it’s fun to look back. For me, when i read back i was shocked that i could create such nice love poems that i wouldn’t be able to think of now LOL... why am i so much more creative when i was younger? And i also hated my past self, felt like i was such an actress last time. Of course, childish too. Haha but it’s fun.
Ok thar’s all i’m just going to stop here. My wifi auddenly die on me so i hope this post can be published successfully. I will not be writing this again, goodness. Ciao. P.S. no grammar and spelling check so pardon the English. Thanks for your time.
